Thoughts of a Half-Mad Toadling
Sometimes it is just time to purge the underwear drawer.
This morning in the early half-light, I ferret about the third drawer down, owl eyed, hoping to find a clean pair of underwear.
Fresh out of the shower, standing there naked as the day I was born, I pull out one pair of mechanically scrubbed skivvies and what I thought was the fly of the undergarment, was in fact a huge hole in the crotch. So I pull out a second pair, hole. A third pair, hole! And yes, a forth pair if underwear, BIG ASS HOLE IN THE CROTCH! How did four pair of my bloomers receive these massive gaps in unison? Is there some kind of unseen underwear demon out there?
A demon that lurks unseen, in the darkest corners or our homes, that in the dead of night leaps from its camouflaged den to harrow through and exhume our helpless privy wears, furiously tearing holes. One would think demons have more interesting debauchery to attend to than to slash and sunder our informal sundries. Did this demon lose a bet or even piss off Old Nick himself to warrant such an assignment as laundry laceration? But maybe it wasn’t a demon at all?
I could be a plot my wife has devised to drive me slowly crazy. First it starts out with blown out undies, and before I know it I have my own personal straightjacket. Or maybe it could be aliens.
Tiny aliens, with some weird tap pants fetish, visiting my third drawer to abduct one union suit at a time and do all sorts of odd tests and appraisals. Pulling, stretching, tearing, wearing. Then returning them for me to discover in my time of need. Or maybe it is just me.
It could be the mere fact that my Dandy Jims are so old and threadbare from the years wear and of countless deluxe combo burritos and chilidogs. So unless the old nad-sack is dangling free from its cotton prison, I don’t even notice there is anything wrong with my foundation attire.
Well... Whatever the reason, sometimes it is just time to purge the underwear drawer.
-UG
This morning in the early half-light, I ferret about the third drawer down, owl eyed, hoping to find a clean pair of underwear.
Fresh out of the shower, standing there naked as the day I was born, I pull out one pair of mechanically scrubbed skivvies and what I thought was the fly of the undergarment, was in fact a huge hole in the crotch. So I pull out a second pair, hole. A third pair, hole! And yes, a forth pair if underwear, BIG ASS HOLE IN THE CROTCH! How did four pair of my bloomers receive these massive gaps in unison? Is there some kind of unseen underwear demon out there?
A demon that lurks unseen, in the darkest corners or our homes, that in the dead of night leaps from its camouflaged den to harrow through and exhume our helpless privy wears, furiously tearing holes. One would think demons have more interesting debauchery to attend to than to slash and sunder our informal sundries. Did this demon lose a bet or even piss off Old Nick himself to warrant such an assignment as laundry laceration? But maybe it wasn’t a demon at all?
I could be a plot my wife has devised to drive me slowly crazy. First it starts out with blown out undies, and before I know it I have my own personal straightjacket. Or maybe it could be aliens.
Tiny aliens, with some weird tap pants fetish, visiting my third drawer to abduct one union suit at a time and do all sorts of odd tests and appraisals. Pulling, stretching, tearing, wearing. Then returning them for me to discover in my time of need. Or maybe it is just me.
It could be the mere fact that my Dandy Jims are so old and threadbare from the years wear and of countless deluxe combo burritos and chilidogs. So unless the old nad-sack is dangling free from its cotton prison, I don’t even notice there is anything wrong with my foundation attire.
Well... Whatever the reason, sometimes it is just time to purge the underwear drawer.
-UG
posted by Uncle Guppy at
11:58 AM
2 Comments:
I think your first clue would be that the stains have built up to the point that your underpants now look like a Jackson Pollack painting.
trust my husband to come up with THAT lovely image...i was going to say that perhaps it's just the underpants gnomes have formulated a new master plan...1- rip underpants, 2- ???, 3- profit!
Post a Comment
Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]
<< Home